Suggested sandwich (excerpt
from Ideas for a Better America)

Want to make a million? Invent a sand-
wich, set up a sandwich stand, then anoth-
er, and soon you have a nationwide chain.
The key to success is not the sandwich, but
the packaging, and the marketing. Can you
compete with McDonald’s? Can you com-
pete with McDonald’s! What’s the matter
with McDonald’s today? It’s too God-
damn slow, that’s what! You have to wait
to get a McDonaldburger. That’s because
they serve fish, fries, cheeseburgers, double
cheese, Big Macs, milkshakes and Mc-
breakfast. They’ll even hold the lettuce.

That upsets us, because the more attention
they give every little thing, the less attention
they give the specialty of the house, the origi-
nal McDonaldburger. It is just not econom-
ical to hold hundreds of McDonaldburgers in
reserve – ready to pop into your impatient
paws before they cool – when other custom-
ers might want something else.

If you can concentrate on just one product
(oh, you can also serve Coke – one size only
– milk and coffee; no 7-Up), you can be the
fastest food in town. The harried hungries
will flock like sheep through your glass doors.

A sandwich you might start with would be

 the Groucho — a simple, open-faced sand-
wich – a slab of American cheese melted on-
to a slice of Vienna bread, with lots of black
pepper sprinkled on it. That’s it. (Hold
the pepper? Go home and make your
own sandwich!) People love them. We’ve
tried it on all our friends. You can make
one for less than a dime, and sell it for a
quarter, including tax.

A Groucho? The name has nothing to
do with the Marx brothers. My daughter in-
vented the sandwich inadvertently one day
when she slapped a slice of half-melted
cheese onto a slice of white bread and took a
bite. “What are you eating?” I asked from

across the room. “Grilled cheese,” she
mumbled with her mouth full. “Groucho?! ”
I asked, bewildered, not having understood
her.

Once it’s caught on, you can introduce the
Super Groucho: Substitute rye for Vienna
and Colby for American (price 30 cents).
And for another nickel, you can even get a
slice of tomato. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm.
We’ve got you hooked. The price for a
Super is soon up to 45 cents (55¢ w/tom).
Now we’ll hold the pepper. Even put on a
pickle. Next, the Groucho Supreme – half a

 bagel, toasted on the crust side, slice of to-
mato (to cover the hole in the bagel), then the
cheese (and the pepper, of course). Sixty-
five cents.

Then you can really diversify. Filet o’
fish and slaw side-dish. Salad bar and
breast o’ gar. Orange Crush, hoecake
mush. Even a (shudder) hamburger for
the finicky brat in your family.

Eventually you will be just as slow – and
just as rich – as all the other fast food chains.

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“Over hamburgers sold!”